Since early pregnancy and miscarriage are things that are not always openly talked about, I did not know how to act after any of my miscarriages. I had never experienced it nor had I gone through it with anyone before. In my head, it was my body and my problem. I was the one experiencing the the pain. I was the one suffering. DanRo comforted and consoled me. But in my emotional roller coaster, I didn't know I needed to do the same for him. I didn't think that he would grieve the same way as me. After all, he didn't feel the things that I felt going on in my body, so how could it be real for him?
It wasn't until after I started talking opening up about my experience that DanRo started opening up about his. He was sad too. He grieved too. He longs to be a father just as much as I long to be a mother. He has even told me since that he thinks about being a father a lot more than I think he does.
When it comes to miscarriage, men often get pushed aside. They tend to have to be the strong one. But they need their support system too. Opening up about everything has opened our eyes to just how many people care and how many have gone through it too. DanRo even started his own blog called DanRo's Heart Strings. I have found several support groups that are for men dealing with a partners miscarriage. I had no idea such support even existed! I'm so glad that I am finding out that people are opening up more about these issues.
I have been wanting to do a similar blog post. It is so sad that people forget men are grieving as well. I remember with my first miscarriage I asked my husband a month later why he wasn't sad and he just broke down into tears and told me he was incredibly sad, but felt like he needed to be strong to help me. With the second miscarriage I made sure to be more conscientious that men grieve differently and helped him more. I also made a better effort at telling friends and family updates on how my husband was doing and not just how I was recovering. Thanks for this entry!
ReplyDeleteThere's a great blog over at http://www.fathersgrief.com/. We as men definitely do grieve differently than women. We may not show it, we may not talk about it, but we definitely feel it. Men are usually raised to be manly, macho, strong, and to not show our tears. So during these unexpected life events, we put up a wall that gives the illusion of strength, even though we may be suffering inside. We sometimes do this to support our significant others and put our own grief on hold.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I started blogging and found support for men going through things like this.