Judgement

One of the main reasons I turned to the internet to spill my guts was because of the support I have received here. It has not always been so nice in real life. On the internet, I can say exactly what I feel and I have lots of people, both men and women, reach out to me and share their story or offer their support or words of encouragement. In real life, when I have opened up about my infertility struggles, I have been met with judgement and half-hearted advice from people who have no idea what it's like to even try to have a baby, let alone try and fail.

My biggest problem was that I was reaching out to all the wrong people and didn't know it. For a while, DanRo and I kept our trying to have a baby a secret. We weren't sure how people would react to us trying, so we didn't tell many people, including our families. Then, after my first miscarriage, we decided not to tell people in case I miscarried again (our thinking on this changed as the miscarriage number grew, and everyone, including our families know now.) So, the people that I was turning to for support were a lot of the people I worked with (at the time I worked at a boarding facility for cats and dogs and I was a supervisor.) I worked with a lot of women. When we started trying to have a baby, four, (yes, FOUR) of those women were pregnant. I expected to get support and sympathy from these women especially. But I most certainly did not. I got a lot of snarky comments. When I would be talking to someone about what was going on, sometimes I would look at them and all I could see on there face was, "How is this going to affect me?" I had a guy go behind my back and tell people that I was using pregnancy as an excuse to get out of things. He even implied that I was making up the miscarriages (ASSHOLE.) At one point, I was opening up to one of my bosses about our saga and was mentioning adoption if we aren't able to get pregnant. And instead of being supportive, she told me that my husband would have to get a new job because the one he has now is not good enough (are you fucking serious right now?) Turns out, I was the one that needed the new job. I actually quit my job at this place, partly because of these and other comments.

What I was expecting was to be lifted up and encouraged by these women. I expected us to rally together and empower each other and commiserate together. And when I didn't get that, on top of stuggling with the infertility, I shut down. I was depressed. DanRo recognized this, but didn't know how to help me. He knew that there were a few women that I had reached out to or had reached it to me on the internet and had helped me. He knew that there were forums that I would go on to get information or to talk about our latest failure. He also knew I was a writer. And that is where Inconceivably Happy came from (DanRo even named it!)

Since reaching out online, I have gotten that much needed support. I have read stories that have touched me and said things that I couldn't say (like this one!) I have also found those real-world women that I needed support from, just online. There have been strangers from around the world that have offered their words of encouragement. There have been others, just like me, who have shared their stories of loss and grief and sometimes their happy ending. Sometimes not. But either way, I have found that much needed support system.